I have to admit.. I don't know where to start. This is my very first time writing a blog and I'm not sure how it will turn out. But God is showing and teaching me so many neat things that I wanted to share my "Journey with Jesus" with you. I hope you will be encouraged as we go through this journey together!
"Abraham stood yet before the Lord." (Genesis 18:22)Such a simple verse yet so profound... 'The man whose faith has been deeply tested and who has come off victorious, is the man to whom supreme tests must come.' ~Selected.
This verse really jumped out at me.. I guess it was perfect timing for what I am going through lately. I'll start from the beginning. About a month ago I ordered a book called, "What is Reformed Theology?" by Sproul. As I read the book, much of the Scripture that I had read and underlined in my Bible, concerning my 'total depravity', 'my redemption' and 'the call of God', in the past, were starting to come together. I was coming to realize that my views on how I came to know Jesus, were changing. The more I read and studied the Word of God, the more I was being convinced then ever, that my redemption had absolutely nothing to do with me or my 'decision.' It's like a light bulb has gone on and I'm finding myself more and more humbled the more I read and study. I did nothing to gain God's love or approval. The God of the Universe who did not have to redeem mankind (and He would still be just), chose for 'His good pleasure' to adopt me as His child! I can't put it into words.. it just humbles me immensely.
But even on this journey, I admit, it has been a very lonely one. I have already gotten into not-the-nicest-discussions with friends, had one person I know stop talking to me, and even in my spirit have been wrestling tirelessly, talking and crying out to Jesus: "Lord! I feel so alone on this journey.. can I please have a loved one on the same journey with me?!" And then that verse."Abraham stood before the Lord." (Genesis 18:22). It was just Abraham and God...no one else. It's like God is saying to me, "Brenda, do you trust Me? Even if no one else is walking this journey with you, can you walk with just Me? Let me handle other people. You can't change their minds or control them. Walk with Me." And so with tears I repent and say, "Jesus, I want to trust You but I can't do it in my own strength. Can You please help me?" And He says, "Yes, my child.. I will."